Writing Horror During the Scariest Time of Year... February

Storytime:

 I was diagnosed with depression at the age of sixteen, and bipolar (type 1) at the age of twenty-one. Both have made my life ridiculously difficult at sometimes, while also offering a fresh perspective and opportunity at other times. 

I have also spent the majority of my life in Utah, which experiences its own form of bipolar tendencies via weather and the seasons. Our summers are the hottest of hot, and our winters are the coldest of cold. During the summer, it's dry and sweltering, difficult to spend time in unless you're in a pool or under the shade. In the winter, it's dry and frigid. Everything aches and is stiff, and you don't spend much time outside at the fear of freezing or driving into a snowbank.

Utah's weather isn't the coldest or the hottest in the world. My depression and bipolar aren't the most severe cases either. Regardless, I experience something than many individuals do at varying degrees, as a more common ailment than you'd think:

Seasonal Affective Disorder (otherwise known as SAD and Seasonal Depression). 

Winter feels gloomy, my vitamin D levels are disastrously low, and the stress of the holidays, new resolutions, and season-changes are difficult to work through, especially as someone with established mental illness.

For many, finding joy and purpose in the wintertime can be difficult and challenging. Writing, drawing, hanging out with friends and family, participating in sports, and doing your passions are exhausting and full of steps that feel like too much. Maybe you're uninspired and wish you could simply lay in bed and hibernate (an possibly rot) until March again.

If you're unfamiliar with these feelings: I'm happy for you. If you're far too familiar with these feelings: I see you and I empathize to a great degree.

The progression of my own book has taken a very hard stop throughout the season and slowly chugged along through January and February. My writing time, if any happened, consisted of sitting at my computer at staring at a document for ten minutes before shaming myself into quitting, pulling up a video game, and going on auto-pilot.

My opportunity at the LTUE conference was fantastic and a good jump-start for myself to reach back out to my book, my writing group, my book club, and try and figure out good ways to create and feel joy and feel like myself while struggling so deeply with the "Big Seasonal Sad" as I like to call it.

Over the past few months, I've come up with a handful of tips and tricks to keep yourself creating and writing while you're feeling all those big feelings. Hopefully, some might help.

Trick 1: Read More

As a beginning writer, I always hated seeing this tip on different blog posts about "how to become a better writer" and "what to do for inspiration". It was discouraging and felt redundant because, I'm a writer?? I already love to read?? Here are my two cents though, in why it's important for this situation specifically:

For a decently large of neurodivergent people, or writers and authors in general, reading is an easy task, if not enjoyable and done as a hobby. It's fairly low-energy and low effort, with a lot of accessibility involved. You can read for free with your local library, use digital services like Kindle and Libby, or audio services to listen to your books. It's typically cozy and done in quiet spaces that allow you to relax.

The hardest part for myself is getting to that point, actually reading. It sounds like a great idea, and I would love to do it, but doom-scrolling is so much easier and I don't need to get up from bed.

This is where "reading more" starts to intertwine with my second trick.

Trick 2: Make Your Life Easier!

"Well, Abi- what do you mean?" You're probably wondering in what way I think you should make your life easier. For many years, I was told I was a lazy child. As an adult today, I've seen that a lot of that laziness with either "alternative ideas and thinking", executive dysfunction, a filler-word from an adult when they were frustrated, or a misunderstanding from myself or the other party for the goal.

I don't think anyone is truly lazy, and there's always a reason for someone's actions. You might just not totally understand, and that's fine.

So what do I mean about making life easier- and why am I including laziness in it?

Does reading in bed make you feel lazy? Do those nifty little Kindle-holders that hold your device above your face in bed make you feel lazy? What about the little remote to turn the page for you? What about in the rest of your life; does using paper plates and utensils feel lazy? Or running the dishwasher again if it wasn't great the first time?

Sure- these are all things that are traditionally "lazy" and don't have enough effort put into them but have you ever considered that we don't need to put so much effort into everything all the time? That efficiency isn't everything?

Use your Kindle holder and remote! Wear your same leggings again today! Wash the same load in the wash a second time! Whatever it takes to get you doing things and being happy, it's always worth it.

Can't write 5,000 words at your desk today? Write 50 on your phone. Not motivated enough to follow your writing ritual with your fancy candle and snack? Put what little energy you have into a different part of your process instead; maybe make a phone note about what you want to get done when you have the time, or create a Pinterest board for your ideas.

Effort given =/= Value as an author (or a person)!!!

Trick 3: Let Yourself Write Sh!t

It's true. We all write some pretty garbage stuff from time to time. Maybe you've written some today and it's another straw on the camel's back encouraging you to quit. Or maybe, it's just February! If everything feels like garbage right now, or you're not satisfied with your work, just let it happen.

Deadlines are important, but I think giving yourself grace and time to regulate how you're feeling is important too. Take the glimmers in your days and try and work in those times the best you can. And when you have bad days and difficult writing sessions, let the work sit.

I personally think everything has a purpose (and is editable). You might not use this draft in your final piece, but maybe there's a portion- a line or a word -that will really pull the whole thing together. Write the bad stuff now, so you can take a look with fresh, happy eyes later and improve.

And remember to just be patient with yourself and your writing. Not everyone is the best author in the world, but there isn't a worst author either. Live in that little middle, gray section.

February is scary, and Seasonal Affective Disorder kicks butt creatively. Don't let it rule you and remember to give yourself grace and love.

Happy writing!