Imposter Syndrome and How I Discovered I Was a "Peer" At Storycon:Dungeon

 This past weekend, I had the amazing pleasure of being able to be an instructor and volunteer for Storycon: Dungeon. It was a three-day summer camp held in Utah, put on by Storycon. Dax Levine, great 'Professional Dungeon Master' was the head of the operation, and I was able to workshop and teach around seventy students with him and other amazing instructors.

I taught a class on "Your First D&D Character", and emphasized the 'Character Triangle' and meaningful backstories (which can apply to D&D and regular writing). I also taught a class called "Don't Forget the Forgotten Realms", which was able to elaborate on The Forgotten Realms and what a cool setting for TTRPGs it can be.

This week was exciting, exhilarating, and full of moments that made me emotional and reflective.

The LTUE (Life, The Universe, and Everything) Conference earlier in February this year was my first conference ever as a panelist and participant, instead of an audience member and attendee. I was shocked at the acceptance of my application, and was curious and mostly confused on why they had determined me specifically as credible enough to speak at multiple panels at this conference.

Following my TTRPG panel with Dax Levine, Dax invited me to be an instructor for his Dungeon Summer Camp. Again, I was a bit shocked at the invite, but I accepted it graciously and ended up having such an amazing time.

Both times though, I questioned my credibility as a writer, author, creator, and even as an adult. I have an undergraduate degree in English from Utah Valley University. I specialized in interactive media (video games), horror, and different regions of fiction (Victorian and Indigenous American really). But other than that, I felt like there was nothing under my belt to really sell me as an influential voice in the local author community.

Both my books, the novel and novella, are far from complete and are probably being pushed back soon anyway. I've never published anything else, short or long form, and I only really have a blog and a sad-looking Instagram account that I never touch.

So, why me?

This weekend, I was able to sit with and enjoy the company of several different authors, storytellers, instructors, and D&D players. There was a variety in genres, specialties, and published works. I was one of the youngest there (being twenty-five) and for the first part of the day, I felt like a fish out of water. After getting to know these different creators though, and their stories, their accomplishments, etc., I was surprised to find that many of them were like me, or had beginnings like me.

I also was surprised to find that I was considered a 'peer' in the space, rather than a viewer or outsider. My credibility of being familiar with D&D, having spoken at LTUE, and being decent at networking had gotten me into a circle I had never been in before. These people didn't care if I had one book in the works or twelve published, they were happy to hear from me and my perspectives.

We talked all sorts of things during the conference, when the seventy kiddos were playing their campaigns, and we all sat at our "Authorized Adult" table. We talked critical theory, politics, the impact of summer camps on children, Dungeons and Dragons, and our works and how they were coming along. I was listened to, respected, and people had follow up questions and comments for me constantly.

So why me? Because I am credible. As Dax said many times, as I continued to tell him, "Thank you for inviting me, I'm so excited for next year, I'm glad you trusted me to teach"-- he continued to remind me that, "Abi, I invited you because you're awesome."

I apply for LTUE again in a few weeks, and hope to be able to make more appearances in the panels and interact with anyone who might be reading my humble little blog. I applied for Storymakers and Storycon, and even Dragon Steel Nexus, which I feel a bit more apprehensive on if I'll be selected for or not. I even have panels submitted for FanX, and am still waiting back on whether they'll be approved or not.

I don't have much advice as of now; fighting my own Imposter Syndrome this week was exhausting and difficult but rewarding. I found a space I was comfortable in, and after being kindly reassured by my peers, I just am glad to have been there.

You'll find your space, or your space will find you. Keep writing, keep volunteering, and happy reading :)

(Note: I'll be publishing little outlines/blog posts about my Storycon Dungeon classes later this week or next!! Maybe they'll be of some use to you guys :))